Self-Confidence Transformation

Description

Self-confidence really does change the way you approach every situation, the way that others see you, and the way that you come out of every interaction.

How?
Well, let’s start with a little bit of evolutionary theory.
Evolutionary psychology and theory in general, essentially tells us that all of our behavior and all of our traits have been ‘selected’. In other words, your ancestors all managed to survive in order to pass on their DNA and create you because they had traits that helped them to survive. Your great, great, great, great, great Uncle Jimmy though died out because he had traits that didn’t help him survive. And those did not get passed on to you.
What does this have to do with confidence?
Well, it comes down to the crucial importance of social interactions. That is to say that human beings are naturally social animals. We are pack animals just like dogs or wolves, although a human ‘pack’ is actually known as a tribe.
Being a member of a tribe would have helped us to survive by giving us strength in numbers, access to potential mates, greater resources, etc. Those members of the tribe that would get ostracized and left out in the cold would end up dying out as a result of less access to food and resources and less protection from predators.
So maybe Uncle Jimmy died out because he was unsocial and he got evicted from his group. Survival at least partly comes down to a popularity contest. Think of it a little bit like Big Brother!

But social success is not just a binary matter. It is not a case of being accepted into the group or not being accepted. It’s also true that you can exist within that group at different levels. So, you have your alphas and your queens. These are the individuals that rise to the top of the ladder and which command the most respect. They are generally physically more intimidating, they are generally more intelligent and they are generally ‘wealthier in terms of what they have access to.
These alphas get their choice of mate, they get first pickings when it comes to food and they get to sleep on the most comfortable pile of hay in the cave.
Point is, that being alpha means you are more likely than anyone else to survive and to thrive even more so. If you are an omega, if you are the jester of the group, then you don’t get fed as well and you become much more likely to get killed when you go out hunting and gathering.

So, how do you ensure that this doesn’t happen to you?
What’s more, is that the alpha of the group or those that are higher up in the pecking order will get access to the best mates. And I am talking strictly objectively here. These are the best mates in terms of their genetic potential (which, by the way, is how we decide who we find most attractive).
If you are an alpha male, then you can offer better genetics, more resources, and more safety for your offspring. And this is why women find you more attractive.
Likewise, if you are the alpha female, the same thing goes. You are the envy of every man, and this sends out a powerful social signal that lets you have your pick of the men.
And guess what? Nothing has changed. We might consider ourselves to be more civilized and advanced today. But the reality is that we are still operating by precisely the same rules.
Women find men attractive who are:
• Physically strong (good genetic material, good protection)
• Funny (intelligent – good genetic material, socially in-tune)
• Intelligent (good genetic material)
• Stylish (wealthy and socially in-tune, good social standing)
• Wealth (good protection/provisions)
• Masculine (good genetic material, good protection)
• Kind, generous (socially in-tune, good social standing)

Men find women attractive who are:
• Physically attractive (good genetic material)
• Conventionally attractive (a social signal that they are ‘in-demand’)
• Funny (intelligent – good genetic material, socially in-tune)
• Stylish (wealthy and socially in-tune, good social standing)
• Well presented (this is a trick that enhances their apparent
genetic material)
• Kind, generous (socially in-tune, good social standing)

As you can see, all of the traits that we look for in a partner ultimately boil down to directly enhancing the strength and resources of ourselves and our offspring, while also climbing the social ranks in order to ensure better access to resources in both cases.
And the same thing even happens when we choose friends. We are naturally drawn to people who are generous and friendly because they can help to provide us with more resources. And at the same time, we are also drawn to people who are alphas – because by associating ourselves with those people, we can thereby raise our own social status and thus our own access to mates and resources.

Now here’s the other thing. Human beings are naturally inclined to try and make decisions about people quickly and on a snap-basis. This is also a trait that has a strong survival value. If someone approaches you in a dark alley and you take a ‘don’t judge a book by its cover approach), then there is a very good chance you’ll be mugged and no-one will ever know what an open-minded individual you were.
On the other hand, if you take the stance that ‘they look scary, they are scary’, then you will run and survive to be prejudiced another day.
Unfortunately, this trait leads to a lot of other problems today. But that is outside the scope of this book for sure! (We’re not here to right social injustice, sadly!)
This happens when it comes to social interactions too. When we meet someone in a bar, we very quickly need to decide whether we want to spend time talking to them or not. Are they worth our time?
And finally, this is where we get to the power of confidence.
When we see someone who is confident. When we see someone who can walk into a room and command positive attention and success. When we meet someone who is well dressed and attractive… all these things make us presume that they are more alpha.
Why? Because someone who is highly confident it is safe to assume must have a reason to be confident. If someone is confident to tell jokes, to be confrontational, to act like themselves without feeling the need to ‘fit in’ and change their behavior… then the assumption will always be that there is a reason they are so confident. The assumption is that they must be alpha, they must be good genetic material, or they must be wealthy.
Whatever the case, that confidence buys the individual instant respect. It makes them more attractive in a sexual way but it also makes them a natural leader, it makes them someone that we feel able to put our trust in and it makes them someone that we want to associate with ourselves.